Top Ten Kindle Jokes

Top Ten Kindle Jokes

 The fact that Kindle Jokes even exist is an indication of how mainstream eReaders are becoming.  I couldn’t find very many to chose from so please  forgive me, some of these were so lame I was tempted to break format and make it Top 3 or4.

 10.

Blonde: I could barely squeeze two books into my luggage. How did you do?

Brunette: Won’t be a problem. My Kindle is small but can hold over three thousand books.

Blonde: Maybe it will  fit in your suitcase but how are you going to LIFT it?

 9.

Brunette: What do you use to charge your Kindle?

Blonde: My VISA!

8.

Q: What kind of dog reads on a Kindle?

A: A Golden eReader.

7.

Definitions: 

Kindle: An eBook reader that is very popular.

Nook: Where you hide your kindle from your kids.

6.

Bookworm: Have you ever tried one of those Kindle eBooks?
Second Bookworm: Yep, but it had a funny taste.
First Bookworm: Maybe it was a joke eBook.

5.

A sign of the times, I swore at the judge

and he downloaded the eBook at me.

4.

Overheard: I bought a cool camouflage cover for my Kindle. Now I can’t find it.

3.

Q: What do you call your book shelf after you buy a Kindle?

A: Kindling

2.

A Beagle dropped the Kindle he was biting and said to the Boxer,

“Go ahead take it. Call me old fashioned but I still prefer a real book.”

Robber: Your Kindle or your life.

 Man: Did you say life or wife?

The majority of these jokes were adapted from the Kindleboard.

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Kindle Store Can’t be Searched by Cost.

Searching Kindle eBooks by Price:

Lessons in Futility

My random experiences with searching The Kindle Store for eBooks by price, including $0.00, can be summarized with F-Words, frustrating, fruitless, fiasco, futile, folly…

I decided to see if I could figure out how to find eBooks by price in the Kindle Store. I chose $2.99. When I gave up the above word list still applied but prefaced with another f-word with ing added.  “Inconceivable!” as Vizzini* would say.

Note: This research was done on my PC, not the Kindle.

My Search Phrases & Results:

“$2.99 books” yielded 138 books. Of the first 75 books listed only 5 cost $2.9941 ebooks were priced at 99¢, 13 at $1.99, 7 at $4.95, and 7 at other prices—as high as $12.95.

“$2.99 Kindle Books” yielded the same results as “$2.99 books.” Although these two searches did not result in the information sought, they offered the only consistency I found in this quest.

“books priced $2.99” yielded 0 but asked if I meant “books price $2.99” so I tried it.

“books price $2.99” yielded 1 book but at least it cost $2.99, ironically Titled: How to Price eBooks for the Kindle.

“buy $2.99” which is how the price is worded in each book entry, also yielded only 1 book but it cost $2.75, and was titled: Twitter Wonderful Tactics.

“books for $2.99” Yielded 32 results but prices were scattered over a large range and were not even all books.  A designer Kindle cover for $64 was listed.

“kindle ebooks that cost $2.99” This very specific phrase yielded this result:

Your search “kindle ebooks that cost $2.99” did not match any products.

I made one last desperate attempt.

“all ebooks” with sort by price low to high.  This yielded 11,616, with 12 entries to a page and NO option to increase amount per page, NOR an option to skip ahead pages. The first 14+pages, eBook number 1-170 were priced $0.00, eBook 171 was $.99 but price skipped around a bit until stabilizing at $.99 around 18 pages in. At page 60—yes 60 pages tediously brought up one click each—the eBooks were still $.99. I gave up on reaching $2.99 on that day. I safely rule this method out as a way to buy eBooks by price—except for $0.00 eBooks.

In Summary:  Amazon 8 — Karen 0-zippola.

You won Amazon, I will cease and desist trying to shop by price.

I did send feedback to customer service about the poor navigation options within a search and the impossibility of searching by price.  I’ll post their answer to my very negative feedback.

* Vizzini is a character in The Princess Bride by S. Morganstern

Top Ten Most Expensive Fiction eBooks in Kindle Store

10 Most Expensive Fiction eBooks in Kindle Store

What a shock!  No, I did not put the decimals in the wrong position!

I could not find an explanation for the price of these books. Their publishing date, rank, number of pages or file size did not correlate to their price. The ebooks were actually discounted, 23% on average not including the outlier of 47% discount on the most expensive ebook!

  • The Kindle publishing date ranged from 2002 to 2009.
  • Three of the ten listed a “Paid in Kindle Store” rank –  590,821 – 608,406 and 617,912.  Somebody has actually bought these ebooks!
  • The number of pages ranged from 304 to 1842. Six of the ebooks were between 400-499 pages.
  • The File Size ranged between 441KB to 27,490KB.

 These books were all listed as Fiction (although the titles don’t sound like fiction to me.)  The list appears out sequence by price, I suspect Amazon’s list order reflects the undiscounted price.  FYI The Most Expensive Non-Fiction book sells for $6,431.20 but that’s another list.

The List:

1. Oil Economists Hand Book: Statistics, 5th Edition, Volume 1 (Vol 1) by JENKINS. GILBERT -Kindle eBook $384.00

2. Practitioner’s Handbook on International Commercial Arbitration by Frank-Bernd Weigand – Kindle eBook $452.79

3. Tobias Smollett by LIONEL KELLY (Kindle Edition – Mar. 23, 2007) – Kindle eBook $320.00

4. Rant on the Court Martial and Service Law by HHJ Jeff Blackett – Kindle eBook $303.75

5. Wilkie Collins by Norman (Ed.) Page  – Kindle eBook  $312.00

6. James Fenimore Cooper: The Critical Heritage by OHN P.WILLIAMS – Kindle eBook $288.00

7. George Orwell: The Critical Heritage by JEFFREY MEYERS – Kindle eBook $320.00

8. Laurence Sterne: The Critical Heritage by ALAN B. HOWES  – Kindle eBook $288.00

9. Edgar Allen Poe by IAN WALKER  – Kindle eBook $288.00

10. W. Somerset Maugham by OHN WHITEHEAD – Kindle eBook $288.00

Top Ten Things Not to Love About a Kindle

Top Ten Things: I DON’T Love About My Kindle

(But I’m Willing to Live With.)

10  The Battery Lasts so Long…

I forget to check and charge it! I know poor me,  such a quandary!

9   If I click Ahead the Kindle Gets Confused

It remembers that as where I left off. I don’t read ahead, but I do “flip” to the back for Author notes, other books in series, and/or strangely to see  the cover–see #4.

8  I Accidentally Hit Forward Button

or the Back  Buttons on the side or other buttons on the keyboard. I’m improving but I’m a klutz and still activate unwanted actions. This is another reason I didn’t purchase a touchscreen Kindle–I can’t pick up my husbands touchscreen phone without changing the screen.

7  Page Numbers

I miss them. Newer Kindle eBooks have page numbers but you still have to click MENU to see them. I never realized how much attention I pay to what page I’m on.  I’m getting used to watching the % read bar on the bottom but it’s not the same.  Worse eBooks more than three months old only have “line” locations. I have yet to figure out what constitutes a line–it isn’t sentences or rows which change with font size .

Too Many Books to Chose From.

Bookstores are finite and can only hold so many books–not an issue with the Kindle Store.  I can read an excerpt to help decide but I still need to pick which ones to sample. Choice is good but also time consuming.

5   Now I don’t want to read Printed Books.

Such as the pre-Kindle books still in my too read pile or the cheaper books I could get from my book swap club.

4   I miss Printed Book Covers.

Covers can be amazing artwork. Thumbnails don’t cut it. Full size on my Kindle are in grayscale and ugly. Must be why Kindle put the covers at the back of the book. 

3   I’m Never In-Between Books.

While this is a great thing, it’s also a problem.  I need the in-between book times to do to the stuff I’d been neglecting while reading. Like writing my book, blog, housework etc.

2   Most eBooks set at Printed Price.

Not fair, the savings should be shared with the Authors and the Readers. Savings include printing, shipping, warehousing, no risk or unsold stock or running out of stock–as in no $25 Hard Bounds on the bargain pile for $3. eBooks have no resale value. I can’t trade or donate an ebook. eBooks should cost less that printed books.

I’m Afraid I’ll Break the Kindle.

I used to literally live in my books, abuse them, fall asleep on them, spill food and drinks on them. I splash on paperbacks in the hot tub.  My cats pounce on on books. I’m not sure how much abuse a Kindle can take. So far it has survived being dropped to the carpet after I fell asleep in bed.  I assume my guard will wear off and I’ll learn the hard way what abuse it can’t take.

A commenter told me to put the Kindle in a ziplock while in the hot tub. You can read and operate them through the plastic. She bags hers when the kids use it. Hmmm-might work. Too error on the safe side I’ll test it with cardboard in a ziplock first.

Wikert’s KindleVille Blog is back from iPad Hound Blog


On April 10, 2010,

Joe Wikert’s KindleVille Blog Ended

He  had abandoned his First Generation Kindle and KindleVille Blog for an iPad and his new IPad Hound Blog

On April 10, 2011,

Wickert (JW) came back to KindleVille with his new Kindle 3–and his iPad.

JW had discovered the Kindle3 Wi-Fi worked well as an accessory for his iPad. The iPad was his 3G “jack of all trades” on which he reads short form content but for long form content likes the lighter Kindle.  What he discovered about his Kindle is,

There’s nothing wrong with doing only one thing exceptionally well.

JW reported that compared to his First generation Kindle, the Kindle3’s form is “terrific.” He still sees room for improvement but also points out that a Kindle is practically disposable now, at $139.

His Kindle3 and iPad nest together in an iPod sleeve, but  he’s hosting the blogs for the devices separately.

Welcome back Joe!

Full post at: http://kindleville.blogspot.com/2011/04/why-i-bought-new-kindle-to-accompany-my.html.

Joe Wikert’s Blogs: http://kindleville.blogspot.com/  and   http://ipadhound.blogspot.com/