All posts in category Self-Publishing

Top Ten More Kindle Jokes

Due to popular demand I managed to dig up ten more Kindle Jokes. Some are not so funny but hey, beggars can’t be choosers 🙂
Note: I’ve fixed the formatting inside this table over and over again, week after week but it bunches back up every time I come back to it. Arrrgggg…Gremlins? I guess I’m going to have to create a new template.

Top Ten More Kindle Jokes

  Good Book: A Page Turner
—–
Good Kindle eBook: A Page Clicker
  Mom: What do you think of my new Kindle?
.
Kid: I think it’s pretty useless.Mom: How so? I like using it to read.Kid: Yeah but where’s the camera?
  Q: What do you call an eReader virus?
.
A: A bookworm.
  Overheard:
Yo mamma is so stupid she bought a repair eBook to fix her Kindle.
  Kindle Owner: My Kindle doesn’t work right, I can’t read in the dark.>>>>>
.
Kindle Service: Have you tried turning a light on?
.Kindle Owner: But the Kindle doesn’t seem to have a light.Kindle Service: Next question.
  Q: Why does Ray Bradbury hate the Kindle?
.
A: Publishers want him to edit the temperature in Fahrenheit 451.
  Email to Kindle Help: Are Self-Help Books available in Kindle format?
.
Email to Kindle Owner: If I assisted you with this issue,
wouldn’t that defeat the purpose?
  Kindle #1: What did your owner think of the Joke ebook she downloaded? Kindle #2: She never finished it?
Kindle #1: Why not?
Kindel #2: It cracked me up.
  Q: What kind of dog will fetch your Kindle?A: A Golden E-triever
  Q: How many publishers does it take to publish an ebook for Kindle?
A: Three. One to do the publishing and two to hold the author down.
–
Q: How many authors does it take to self-publish an ebook for Kindle?
A: One hundred.
1 author to write, publish, and tweet about it.
99 authors to Retweet it.

I wish I could cite individual jokes but they came from a variety of places often without a source listed, and most were altered in some way. Some were rewritten from the Kindle boards and some are adapted from well known generic jokes.

4 Comments
by klerosier on 09/13/2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Amazon, eBooks, Kindle eReader, Other eReaders, Self-Publishing, Tradional Publishing, Tuesday: Top Ten List, Uncategorized
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Posted by klerosier on 09/13/2011

https://klerosier.wordpress.com/2011/09/13/ten-more-kindle-jokes/

Kindle Indie Bookstore Launched but Good Luck Finding It

Launched on Aug 10, Kindle Indie Bookstore was created to showcase Indie (self-published) Kindle ebooks and provide an easy way to browse for them. The bookstore is found at www.amazon.com/kindleindiebooks

The homepage sections include Featured Author, Customer’s Top Rated Indie Books, Indie Popular New Releases, and Recommended for you. The sidebar provides the option of searching by the most popular genres.

I explored the Kindle Indie Bookstore and was impressed and dismayed.

🙂 I liked the sections and most of the highly recommended books were only $.99 and offer free sample chapters. I ordered samples of a few I was curious about. I found the store a useful tool for sifting through the thousands of self-published ebooks in the Kindle store.

😦  Strangely Amazon claims they created the Kindle Indie Bookstore to

“provide readers a convenient way to explore and browse some of the indie selections,”

I searched both Amazon and the Kindle Store browsers but failed to find Kindle Indie Books store. Search phrases including, Kindle Indie Books, Kindle Indie Bookstore, and Indie Bookstore all failed to bring me to the store. In fact the only way I could find it was with the above web page address or links in other blogs.

1 Comment
by klerosier on 08/18/2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Amazon, eBooks, Self-Publishing, The Kindle Store
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Posted by klerosier on 08/18/2011

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Top Ten Q & A from My Interview w/Mark Twain

I read and write Urban Fantasy so I feel I can share this experience and maybe even be believed because,

The Paranormal World is Alive (and dead) in the far west Boonies of Chicago!

I recently found Mark Twain  IN my Kindle and through a glitch of sorts contacted his spirit. I took advantage of this phenomena and asked him for writing advice.

We got off to a rocky start but worked it out.
“Please call me Karen, may I call you Mark or do you prefer Samuel?”
Silence and a scowl.“That’s Mr. Twain to you until you actually publish a book, Mrs. LeRosier.”
“O…kay. In that case it’s Ms. LeRosier please.”
“Good we understand each other, Mrs. LeRosier.”

I do wonder why he felt entitled to be so uppity. I may be a lowly unpublished writer, but Mr. Classic Writer had to recycle his famous quotes to answer every one of my questions. I guess even ghosts put on airs-or should I call it it vapors?

Top Ten Answers from Mr. Twain

  Mrs. LeRosier: I think I could finally finish my books if life’s obligations would leave me alone and people wouldn’t call me when I’m writing. How did you cope with this issue? Mr. Twain: Nothing so needs reforming as other people’s habits.
  Mrs. LeRosier: I’ve studied a few models for plot structure but each one is touted as the only viable way to write. Which one should I use? Mr. Twain:  Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.
  Mrs. LeRosier: I spend a great deal of research time for my novels. Is research a wasting time for a fiction writer, especially for Urban Fantasy? Mr. Twain: Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
  Mrs. LeRosier: My novel Illuminated Rifts has characters that are loosely based on real people, family and friends. Is this a bad idea? Mr. Twain: Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don’t tell them where they know the fish.
  Mrs. LeRosier: I find writing fantasy more difficult since I have to ground the fantastical to make it plausible enough for readers to suspend disbelief. Any thoughts? Mr.Twain: It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.
  Mrs. LeRosier: Spelling is my weakest writing skill, fortunately I write in the age of spell check. Was spelling a problem in your writing and time? Mr. Twain: I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
  Mrs. LeRosier: I believe self-publishing will give me the greatest odds of success with my books, any advise? Mr. Twain: All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.
  Mrs. LeRosier: “Show-Don’t tell” is probably the most common advise given to new writers. (Don’t tell the reader the character is angry, show them through actions and description of body language.) What say you? Mr. Twain: Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.
  Mrs. LeRosier: Illuminated Rifts, an Urban Fantasy, and Geocaught, A Romance are my current WIPs (works in progress.)  Some friends and family say books in these genres are not real literature, can never become a classic. Is this true?  Mr. Twain: Classic:A book which people praise and don’t read. Note: I mentioned that many Mark Twain novels are considered classics and he muttered something that sounded like, they weren’t when it counted.
  Mrs. LeRosier: I’m over 50 years old and some people think becoming an author at this age is a pipe dream. Mr. Twain: Don’t part with your illusions. When they are gone, you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

Hope you enjoyed Mr. Twain’s words of wisdom.

Thank you to Brainy Quotes for the extensive list of Mark Twain quotes I cherry picked.

4 Comments
by klerosier on 07/26/2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Author Quotes, Books, Quotes about Writing, Self-Publishing, Writing Tips
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Posted by klerosier on 07/26/2011

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TOP TEN Kindle Books for First 1/2 of 2011

Amazon’s Kindle Editors listed their for top 10 Favorite Kindle Book Picks for 2011 so far (released the first six months of 2011.)  Half of the books were written by debut Authors. Congratulations.

 

Please Look After Mom
by Kyung-Sook Shin

In this Korean bestseller, she tells the story of a mother–and her family’s search for her after she goes missing–in four richly imagined voices: her daughter’s, her oldest son’s, her husband’s, and finally her own.
 

Moonwalking with Einstein by Joshua Foer

The Art and Science of remembering Everything. Captivated by competitors’ secrets, science journalist Joshua Foer participates in the U.S. Memory Championship and tells the tale.
 

Before I Go to Sleep by S. J. Watson

Every day Christine wakes up not knowing where she is. Her memories disappear every time she falls asleep, and her husband Ben is a stranger to her.
 

22 Britannia Road by Amanda Hodgkinson

By the end of World War II, Silvana is a ghost of the wife Janusz once had. She and their seven-year-old son travel from Poland to England to reunite their family, separated for six years.
 

Bossypants by Tina Fey

Tina Fey’s debut chronicles the differences between male and female comedy writers, her cruise-ship honeymoon, and advice about breastfeeding, getting to the heart of why this charismatic comedienne remains universally adored.
 

The Tragedy of Arthur by Arthur Phillips

This novel includes Shakespeare’s lost King Arthur play in its five-act entirety and explores the tension between storytelling and truth-telling, the thirst for originality in all our lives, and the act of literary myth-making.
 

Blood, Bones & Butter by Gabrielle Hamilton

Gabrielle Hamilton’s debut book tells her tale of her journey as a chef or “The Inadvertent Education of a Reluctant Chef.
 

In the Garden of Beasts by Erik Larson

Love, terror, and an American Family in Hitler’s Berlin .William E. Dodd becomes America’s first ambassador to Hitler’s Germany in 1933.
 

The Tiger’s Wife by Téa Obreht

In a post war Balkan country a young missionary doctor arrives on a mission of mercy at an orphanage by the sea where she searches for stories of her grandfather’s life.
 

Lost in Shangri-La by Mitchell Zuckoff

A true story of survival, adventure, and the most incredible rescue mission of world
5 Comments
by klerosier on 07/19/2011  •  Permalink
Posted in Amazon, eBooks, Kindle eReader, Self-Publishing, The Kindle Store, Tuesday: Top Ten List
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Posted by klerosier on 07/19/2011

https://klerosier.wordpress.com/2011/07/19/top-ten-kindle-books-of-first-12-of-2011/